SONG LYRICS

TRAINWRECK

The man at the station told me to be patient and get in line
we understand your concern but ma’am please wait your turn, you’re number 29
The 11:05 is on schedule to arrive , she’s never late
If he’s not on that train I’m gonna go insane and crash right thru the gate
train kept a rollin’ all night long
Little boys little girls , you come into the world, now tell me what you see
They deal out the cards and they play so hard, nobody rides for free
And its always bad news when you’re born to lose, the deck is always stacked
If you flip a dime, you’re gonna lose every time and get a nickelback
train kept a rollin’ all night long
And if there is a heaven i hope its my turn
if there is a hell i hope i dont burn
if there was a lesson i hope it was learned
I see a light , a hot white knife flyin down the track
I’m at the end of my rope, there’s no hope, there aint no turning back
I start to spin my wheels in my cocoon of steel, i hear the gravel fly
I’m done with pretending, it’s my happy ending , no need to cry.

YOU, ME, AND HUEY P
I’m moving to the 9th ward, the hipster shangrila, Where the local hoi polloi have a certain je ne sais quoi
I’m in it for the long haul, never cross Canal St again Unless I’m short on cash and I cant find an ATM
I wanted to hang with K Doe till I found out he was dead , I’ll have to find another way to earn my ghetto cred
So I bought a retro bicycle with handlebars so sporty , I ride it to the corner store to get my morning 40
I rode it to the burlesque show and it nearly broke my heart, I wanted to get a lap dance and all i got was performance art
I’ve given up all the trappings of my former suburban self Deodorant and toothpaste just sit there on the shelf
but I got my thrift store suit and hello porkpie hat And I worship at the altar of Quintron and Pussycat
But I’m nobody’s puppet as I shuffle down St Claude
I’m down wit dat hey where y’at, I live in the 9th ward

CHORUS
You & me on the huey p
hang on tight everything will be all right
You’re turnin pale every time i hit the rail, we shall prevail and live to tell the tale
You & me on the huey p , dont look down the river’s deep and brown
Those cotton bales are buried deep in shale
We cannot fail , next stop is Avondale

Or maybe Jefferson Parish, a great place to raise a child, but the boys have all gone stupid
and the girls have all gone wild
And I’ll have to pimp my minivan so i can shoot the breeze with the soccer moms at Lafreniere,
the park that has no trees , Who think there’s nothing in the world worth anything at all
that cant be found at walmart or inside the Lakeside mall
And I hear that property values are pretty good in Harahan, But you have to buy a gun and pledge allegiance to the klan

CHORUS

The Parish Council will come to order , we have an important message
The Lions club has a prayer breakfast and they’re serving pancakes and sausage
The parish needs a new landfill but the bids are all too high / So I propose we tear down the library
all in favor say aye Lock in your votes

CHORUS

Shrimp girls in hot pants tipping scales in their favor
tug boats pushin barges thru the tide
west we go again to see my Bridge City friends
and haul a load of love to the other side
Rising thru the clouds on a galvanized rainbow
Busting at the seams with civic pride
A chicken in every pot, but a chicken is all we got,so you might as well relax and enjoy the ride

POWER BLVD 

My old man never brings me flowers / But he spray painted my name on the water tower / I luv him so/ and doncha know/When he gets crazy we gotta go/We’ll get some beer , we’ll get some wine/ Drive up and down the parish line/ Drive he said, full speed ahead, power blvd/ Step on the gas, make it go fast, Power Blvd / Drive he said / Turn right on red, Power Blvd / Players get played, West Esplanade, Power Blvd / He threw me in the back of his El Camino / Took me to breakfast at the Treasure Chest Casino /// After midnight he’ll park that Chevy & we’ll get really high up on the levee

CHRISTMAS ISLAND CRABS

Think You got problems now, well just u wait / Funny thing about problems, they procreate / Like cells divide, they multiply / Cant be denied , Mick Jagger lied , time is not on your side / Christmas Island Crabs / Theres a stack of envelopes and they’re all addressed to me / I only pay the amount past due so they hit me with a late fee / One by one by one, things come undun /Take your cue from the Guess Who, theres no time left for you / Crabs crawling on the ocean floor, crawling on the ocean floor / Laid a million eggs then they laid some more, down on the ocean floor / Crabs crawling on the ocean floor crawling towards a distant shore / Theres alot more crabs than there were before ,what the hell are you waiting for? / Think u got problems? / well so do I /I took down my Christmas lights on the 4th of July / In the valley of dilly dally I work at my own pace / Carol King dont procrastinate cuz baby its just too late. /

ONE SHOE

I was walkin down Fountainbleau I didnt know what to do / I only had one shoe / Somebody beat me black and blue / I’m not really sure who / I only had one shoe / I was dressed up like a baby/ I guess it pissed him off, or maybe he had nothing better to do / The Crescent City’s finest got a fuckin D minus they couldn’t find a clue /I’m a cold case file at the bottom of the pile (1st offense but he’ll do it again) I’m a cold case file at the bottom of the pile (There’s coffee cup stains around the suspects name) I’m a cold case file at the bottom of the pile / I’m sitting on the slab….can you call me a cab? / They were standing around joking “what’d you do to provoke him?” / I said I think my nose is broken / He said “show me where it hurts, I used to be a nurse, eh, I’ve seen a lot worse” / Like it was the last resort they said ok we’ll fill out a report, but lets try to keep it short / We got more important things to do than stand around and talk to you / hey, where’s your other shoe? / I believe I believe I believe I believe in bad people / I believe I believe I believe I believe in pure evil / “I wore that asshole’s boot print for 6 months”

SMELL LIKE A ROSE

I’m getting used to getting used / I’m getting used to getting used / I know you just want to cut me / You’ll never cut me again / You led me down the garden path / and threw me into the briar patch / You came out clean without a scratch / Smell like a rose / Another aimless afternoon / Another dry hump honeymoon / With some skank who loves the moon / Smell like a rose / Mikimoto miso Mikimoto miso make me feel better / Ride the yellow dragon, ride the yellow dragon, ride it forever / I know you just want to cut me / You’ll never cut me again / I gave you all, you gave me half / I did my best, you did the math / You need more wax in your award-winning moustache / Smell like a rose / I gave you everything you need / I spread my legs & you spilled your seed / I cleaned up after your dirty deed / Smell like a rose /

JIMMY LEG

Your love is like a fine wine / Or maybe it’s like a hate crime, I can’t make up my mind / I get so pissed cuz I can’t resist how you tickle me with a feather just to punch me with your fist / So kick me with that jimmy leg , kick me with that jimmy leg / Now shake it / Now shake it / It’s so very involuntary/ That’s what makes it scary / Your Jimmy leg is hairy / I know you know what I’m talkin about /because I can take it but I can’t dish it out / Hey- Sophisticated Ape/ Now you can’t argue with a gospel choir / I got my hand on the bible, but you know I’m such a liar / Because my desire is a fire I can’t extinguish / so shine your steel toe boot and give it a little English / And kick me with that jimmy leg , kick me with that jimmy leg / Now shake it / Now shake it

You’re on the guest list, cuz your legs are restless, so shakem shakem shakem shakem shakem /

SHE LOVES THE MOON

Fingers, long lovely fingers, clawing at the river bed / Rivulets rivulets rivulets/ Trickling rivulets of red / Blisters on my insides / My lungs two sacks of fire / I think I hear me crying / Beg forgiveness from the sky / Run your ladder up my tree / Here kitty kitty / Shake the branches carefully / Here kitty kitty / Looking danger in the eye/ Rescue kittens hypnotized / Thighs and ankles at odd angles / Legs will do as they see fit / Limber limber falling timber / Thats why I say / keep me keep me lover / keep me keep me dear / keep me lover / keep me near / Two little angels went down to the river / tossing in pebbles and stones / two little angels sat down by the water / one little angel came home / Run your ladder up my tree/ the tree of life is dead to me / dangling in the evening sky / don’t let that blue-eyed kitty die / run your ladder up my tree / bring her safely home to me / I hear her gently start to cry / as the moon illuminates the sky

RUB ONE OUT

There’s a squirrel rustling around in the attic he’s building a nest / And rats creep like thieves through your kitchen at night while you rest / There’s pellets all over the pantry, piss stains in the hall /And the termites are eating the studs that hold up the wall /

Shame on you shame on you / The spider drops down from the ceiling on a thread of pure silk / He sinks his fangs into your breast to taste your sweet milk / His venom goes straight to your heart and it burns like a fire / And soon he’ll be dragging you back to his web of desire / Shame on you shame on you / Rub one out, rub one out, rub one out if you please , you wont get a disease Rub one out, rub one out Rub one out of your mind /it won’t make you go blind / Rub one out for the team / don’t it feel like a dream? / Rub one out rub one out Rub one out rub one out

NOVOCAINE SEMANTICS

You come at me with a mouthfull of syllables, a broken heart and a brain full of chemicals / I respond with my nonsense alphabet / my bayonet put your arm in a tourniquet / Novocaine semantics are breakin my heart / Your praying mantis hands are ripping me apart / Looking at my reflection distorted in stainless steel / These novocaine semantics are part of the deal / I hear you rummage thru my bathroom cabinet / already told you I’m all outta percocet / Start your day with the breakfast of champions, cough syrup and bowl full of vicodins //// You come at me with some fucked up calculus / wish I knew what the hell your problem was /A siren wails thru the alleys of your brain / I need your pills cuz i feel your pain

TESTIFY

Freedom is measured in gallons /so call up the national guard / Dress all your children in camo and kevlar / kiss them goodnight and goodbye / It might just be the last time…..Testify / Comfort , prosperity , and leisure / It’s good to have more than you need / Body bags are such a bummer, but I can fit twenty in my Hummer / These colors don’t run but they bleed…. Testify / Jesus is running for congress / but he’s too soft on national defense / We got a whole lotta wells to drill and a whole lotta Arabs to kill / And too many illegal immigrants who don’t have health insurance / so let’s build a fence …. Testify

AIN’T MY MAN

I recall that Thanksgiving Day when I first cast my eyes your way / I sized you up, found you appealing /And you seemed to share that feeling / So like a turkey in the oven / I stuffed myself on your good lovin / In the kitchen I let you fricassee’ me / You said my drippings made good gravy / And as long as you’re my man cooking don’t feel like a chore / But lately something tells me you ain’t my man no more / Far away your eyes look off into the distance / Look my way and I will offer no resistance / This is how it always starts when two lovers drift aprt / I’ve seen it happen time and time again / So when I grab you by the collar, get up in your face and holler / You better snap out that fucking daydream / Don’t hear your knuckles knocking on my door / Don’t hear your black boots scraping up my floor / Don’t see you poofing up that pompadour / I’m not certain but I’m pretty sure / You ain’t my man no more //// / Far away your eyes look off into the distance / Look my way and I will offer no resistance / This is how it always starts when two lovers drift aprt / I’ve seen it happen time and time again / Don’t need you straddling my fence / Saying we should just be friends / So let me make it easy for ya.